sometimes she’s Kim K sometimes she’s Beyonce…
and sometimes she’s britney
and sometimes she’s lindsay
and sometimes she’s italian pop sensation isabella parigi
50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”
i went to a barbecue place downtown for dinner called ‘the pit’ and my waiter was named adam i swear to god i screeched like a pterodactyl in the middle of the restaurant and everyone in the place was staring at us and he just says very quietly
"damn you supernatural"
because i hate it when people post these without recipes, here are all of them. some of these aren’t EXACTLY the same, but they’re close enough to still be delicious.
triple layer brownie cake / cherry bliss brownie / chocolate truffle layer cake / snickers peanut butter brownie ice cream cake / surprise inside ice cream balls / chocolate filled cream puffs / brownie cookies / chocolate snickers cake / chocolate lasagna / double chocolate brownies
THERE ARE CHILDREN HERS
escalators are better than elevators because when escalators break they turn into stairs but when elevators break they turn into vertical coffins
I bought my friend an elephant for their room.
They said “Thank you.”
I said “Don’t mention it.”
IS THIS TRUE????
As an American I can confirm that this is 1776% true. Some places will even fine you for not eating fried chicken for a week